Are you kidding me?
As I glanced up, I hear a voice with a foreign accent say...."Where is she...?...and again, "Where is she?" I see her bouffant doo peak-a-boo slightly into the room then distend back. I can't tell you how many times the phrase, "I am in the twilight zone..." has riddled my already too full brain this week. This month. These past two years. It didn't exactly take a rocket scientist to figure out that, perhaps, just maybe the patient (me) was in the chair BEHIND THE DOOR. Apparently however, it did take more than a Gastroenterologist Physicians' Aide.
Finally I said in serious question form, "I am here...?" Because at that rate, I wasn't even sure it was in fact ME, sitting in that room at that moment. She chuckled. Then all of a sudden two gargantuan partially covered breasts came at me before I could even think straight. I promise you. I would not joke about matters like this. I knew I could not and would not ever be found in Hooters. I actually had to stop my many rampant thoughts for a split moment to think...where in fact was I....? Wide-eyed emoticon here.
Yep. My mind registered into barely focused once again. I was, indeed, in my new Gastroenterologist's' office. The nice, yet confusing Physicians' Assistant came in with a grin and a kind hello. It was at that point that I fully observed the skin tight, business-like, white button down, collared dress shirt.
For a moment I thought of her as my own child as I mentally reprimanded her to march right back inside her office and change into something that fit and actually had enough buttons to support it.
For a moment I thought of her as my own child as I mentally reprimanded her to march right back inside her office and change into something that fit and actually had enough buttons to support it.
Did she realize that her clothes were at least 3 sizes too small? OK STOP! I commanded my out of control thinking. Where and when will my grace for others show up? Huh? You know, the grace that the Lord has provided for me my entire 49 years of life in this cruel world. I do things that others might not agree with.
I sin. The grace that I should extend to others as it has been extended to me; says the Lord that I love. I took a deep breath and prayed that I would not exhibit my fatigued, fed up and aching attitude. After all I literally had just escaped from a, "true," professional doctor who sported appropriate attire, ironed with heavy starch. He was very arrogant despite his boy-like physique. Boy did he have an ati-toooode! He scribbled doctor-looking scripts. He also played the game of, "Best Doctor in the 54th Best Hospital in the US of A." Nine months with his practice, one actual 12 minute face to face visit (after waiting 4 hours), and no help. Then, (drum roll please), he claimed that he was triple booked when I had a potentially life threatening, internal-bleeding emergency. That's when I decided he was no longer my doctor. My Cardiologist and Internist both tried to get this very important doctor to see me ASAP. No success. So the lightening struck my mixed up brain waves and that's when I thought to myself....don't go off of first impressions girl friend! Maybe this unique doctor will actually help me. And she did.
I sin. The grace that I should extend to others as it has been extended to me; says the Lord that I love. I took a deep breath and prayed that I would not exhibit my fatigued, fed up and aching attitude. After all I literally had just escaped from a, "true," professional doctor who sported appropriate attire, ironed with heavy starch. He was very arrogant despite his boy-like physique. Boy did he have an ati-toooode! He scribbled doctor-looking scripts. He also played the game of, "Best Doctor in the 54th Best Hospital in the US of A." Nine months with his practice, one actual 12 minute face to face visit (after waiting 4 hours), and no help. Then, (drum roll please), he claimed that he was triple booked when I had a potentially life threatening, internal-bleeding emergency. That's when I decided he was no longer my doctor. My Cardiologist and Internist both tried to get this very important doctor to see me ASAP. No success. So the lightening struck my mixed up brain waves and that's when I thought to myself....don't go off of first impressions girl friend! Maybe this unique doctor will actually help me. And she did.
So there I sat in my new GI's office admittantly having trouble focusing due to the blasting visuals. By this time I was recalling a neat memory of 4 of our kids' favorite home school teachers. Twelve years ago whilst letting the students know what to expect during that term, she relayed to the class what would happen if any inappropriate clothes just happened to be worn to class. That person would gently be pulled aside and the teacher would slip an over-sized, sterile-white science lab coat on them. That would then be their fashion statement for the day. I remember thinking to myself, "Wow, that's a little ridiculous!" But the years passed and the Lord and I became closer. It was then that I truly honored this woman as she honored the Lord in all that she did. She was bold enough for Christ to not give the world's response a nano-second of her precious time. Now she receives my family's honor. My children are proving to love the Lord. They understand the craving to please the Lord because they love Him so.
I kid you not though. I am a woman.
Still the stilettos, the mini skirt and the protruding, "you know whats'," were a distraction to even me. I suddenly felt for all men, but especially young men. In this world they have to deal with such unsolicited pressure when they already have crazy hormones on top of an insidious world to deal with. We teach them not to lust then we as women temp them.
Focus...that's what I have to do over and over again.
I already have an issue focusing and this clothing situation wasn't helping. So I made a choice to put on my glasses that allow me to view things in a different way. Praise God! Because now I registered that this doctor had way more than 10 minutes to hear my story! Other doctors listen so very intently, for no more than 10 minutes. Then as if a fire alarm bullied them smack in the middle of their highly wrinkled brains, they have to move on. You know the Hippocratic Oath? It says, help people-but don't listen to them? Do no harm-but let them suffer 24/7? So yes, I had to explain to the new PA why I left my reputable doctor just yesterday. I continued telling her topical details so as to not say too much. Doctors are like PTA board members at public schools...what you say can and will be held against you. The year before we pulled our oldest from elementary school to home school we learned that lesson well. The principle assured us that yes, we may go ahead and forward our letter of complaint to the superintendant. My husband and I so carefully crafted a kind but firm letter to report what we had witnessed. As a home room mom I observed verbal abuse because I was there almost every day. My child's second grade teacher was hurting those children. But when parents walked in she put on her very best church outfit. The principle told us that we should be warned; if my husband and I chose to forward that letter. Both the PTA along with all the schools in our area would literally hold it against our family. My children would receive the worst teachers and classes, etc. for the entirety of their school career. AM I SERIOUS you ask? Yes, dead serious. I kid you not.
I already have an issue focusing and this clothing situation wasn't helping. So I made a choice to put on my glasses that allow me to view things in a different way. Praise God! Because now I registered that this doctor had way more than 10 minutes to hear my story! Other doctors listen so very intently, for no more than 10 minutes. Then as if a fire alarm bullied them smack in the middle of their highly wrinkled brains, they have to move on. You know the Hippocratic Oath? It says, help people-but don't listen to them? Do no harm-but let them suffer 24/7? So yes, I had to explain to the new PA why I left my reputable doctor just yesterday. I continued telling her topical details so as to not say too much. Doctors are like PTA board members at public schools...what you say can and will be held against you. The year before we pulled our oldest from elementary school to home school we learned that lesson well. The principle assured us that yes, we may go ahead and forward our letter of complaint to the superintendant. My husband and I so carefully crafted a kind but firm letter to report what we had witnessed. As a home room mom I observed verbal abuse because I was there almost every day. My child's second grade teacher was hurting those children. But when parents walked in she put on her very best church outfit. The principle told us that we should be warned; if my husband and I chose to forward that letter. Both the PTA along with all the schools in our area would literally hold it against our family. My children would receive the worst teachers and classes, etc. for the entirety of their school career. AM I SERIOUS you ask? Yes, dead serious. I kid you not.
So as the story goes, my guts blew up a year and a half ago. That's probably visual enough. So I'll stop there. I told my new gorgeous GI who should be in movies, that I was starving, and that I can't keep anything down. She looked me up and down from my toes to my head and pronounced, "Honey, you are NOT starving!" Touché. OK....... I deserved that. I've been obese for the better part of my young 49 years. I'll give her one snotty but true statement. Then I explained that last fall I lost 29 lbs in 3 months. Gained it all back plus more on that horrific Dexamethasone. Once off that medication I rapidly lost another 25lbs. This is all so exhausting. She then at least showed some concern. Speaking of overweight, I am reminded of the sweet nurse who was morbidly obese. She took my blood pressure, weight and asked questions. Once again the devil took this opportunity to whisper in my ear "Why in the world would you go to a GI doctor who has a nurse with eating issues?!?! HELLO! UUUGGGHHHH. I smacked that devil off my shoulder. I didn't know the ladys' story and had no business judging anyway. I smacked myself while I was at it. Sometimes I just make myself mad. Anyway, as she asked the standard six hundred and two questions that I've answered nine hundred times, she snored. I'll say it again. She snored. I thought she had fallen asleep while standing at her computer. I will admit this was a first for me. The devil in me was like, "Is this woman actually falling asleep while talking to me? Is she seriously snoring in between questions? I continued to dwell in the twilight zone. I got nice quicker on this one though. I remembered that I have tremors and how sometimes I can't hide them. It embarrasses me. People stare. I immediately had a broken heart for this lady. Then I was proud of her! She did not sneak into a cave and beat herself up because of her weight and snoring situation! You go girl! I wanted to shout. Had to stop myself though. I'm pretty sure most of my doctors have already stamped the big red, "CRAZY!" all over my charts. Didn't need a, "WACKO!" to go next to it.She actually became beautiful to me as the time passed. How horrible. My mind raced as I thought about how many people have and still do judge me because of my outward appearance rather than what was in my heart. This very kind nurse got to the question they always ask. How many children dwell in your house? For me, a seriously complicated question that needs a 3 hour proper answer. So I responded, "This summer? This fall? Or last year? Do I count ones I didn't birth?" She looked at me and said how many actual kids do you have? I responded, "One's I've birthed?" This always gets complicated. I said FIVE are officially mine. But 3 are proceeding on or going back to college in two weeks. One is in Master's Commission, a discipleship program. She abruptly stopped what she was doing, threw her hands to her side and pronounced... "How may I ask, do you have so many successful children?" She caught me off guard. I said off the cuff, "GOD." She starred at me for a long second. She then said. "OK........ I then added, "Honey, they ain't successful because of me, I've messed up so many times! It's only by the grace of God that they make pretty good decisions. Driving home later I thought that a better answer would have been that college does NOT make one a success as the world thinks it. Loving the Lord is what makes one a success in this life! And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness. Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9 NKJV 
I need to die to self daily.
Because every day I wake up in my human flesh.
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