Heavy on My Heart-Please read my apology to my mother and repost. I would love to know your thoughts as well.
THIS HAS BEEN HEAVY ON MY HEART
I am going to re-post this but this time with an APOLOGY.
It has come to my attention that all the details are not correct.
However I do battle with the difference between my
perception as a child and what was actually happening.
So I'd like to put a disclosure on this saying that this is PURELY FROM MY CHILD'S EYE PERSPECTIVE.
This lends towards how easily a young person's mind might not perceive reality.
But in fact it is still their reality.
The thing that breaks my heart to the core is that I did this for one reason only:
TO HONOR MY MOM.
She is the the strongest woman I know.
It was purely my intention to reveal part of how she arrived to that very impressive position in my life. I considered removing the post. But in my heart it is more important to be honest and real as I have promised myself and others.I am human. Like I've said and truly believe, my stories and memories in my life are what got
me to the most precious thing that has saved me:
A RELATIONSHIP AND A WALK IN OBEDIENCE WITH JESUS.
So Ma, I'm Truly Sorry That I stepped on some feet.
I pray that from the bottom of your heart you know without a doubt that my goal is always and was always to honor you.
Like the many shirts you took off your back for me and so many others,
I would do anything for you.
Your honesty with me is yet another testimony to your strength.
Thank you.
I love you.
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| Nanie and Laura and Christopher (Christina's children) |
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| My mom is like a sunflower: Crazy cool around the outside, soft, beautiful and delicate on the next layer yet solid strong in the core. |
If I were to choose three things (which is re-markedly tough) to describe how my mom shaped me, I would choose these three things:
1. Her prejudice against black people.
2. Her MEEK and MILD demeanor transitioning before my very eyes through out my childhood to BOLD and CONFIDENT.
3. The joy and laughter that she demonstrated daily.
Prejudice:
However bad the first item sounds don't run off yet. My mom was ignorant. She literally grew up in a household; mother, father, sisters and brother telling her that "those people," on TV (the black people) were people that would hurt her. Can you imagine growing up with that kind of daily input. Apparently they didn't watch any news that described other races that would hurt you too. Weird to me. Anyway, when she married my dad he began to lovingly educate her. He also made the prejudice unacceptable. As a child it made me angry. I was gifted, now I know by God, to love all people and in my heart I knew prejudice was wrong despite how young I was. I challenged her on it constantly. It was me that called her out whenever she slipped. She was trying with all her might, but at a very impressionable age she actually told me that she would disown me if I married a black man. I loved my mom dearly, I knew in my heart she wasn't even capable of disowning a fly, much less me. Basically I ignored what she said. As I grew older and developed a heart for all children and different ministries including working with the children in Africa (tidbit of information, not all Africans are black!) it was then that I actually witnessed her heart change. Boy was I proud of my mom! Now she is bold with her family members in not making their outward comments or bad jokes acceptable in any way. She'll actually leave. That was scary for her. She loves her family. To me, it was invaluable to see her journey from a child's eye transition from hate to educated and thus a changed heart.
Meek and Mild to
Bold and Confident:
My mom was somewhat of a pushover. She submitted to my dad in an unhealthy way not a Godly way. Sometimes she let her kids dictate what they should do. For example when my little brother was 4 she spanked him for going over the line towards the street. He turned around and yelled, "Don't ever do that again!" She never did. And as a sister who is ten years older, I can tell you he needed a few more spankings! She allowed me to be disrespectful to her. (Which still breaks my heart). Once again, throughout my life, I have watched her slowly but steadily become bold in times of trouble and confident in herself. She is so kind and so giving she will do anything for anyone. She has always sacrificed her well being and what she wants and needs for the needs of others. However; so much so to her detriment. Now, however, she has developed boundaries and a sense of balance and a yearning to please God, not people. Which in turn has taught me. She is still selfless and the most giving person I know but in a Godly way which comes from seeking God not stemming from dysfunction. She is 73 today and she volunteers at church, just retired from volunteering at the hospital for many years, the Crisis Pregnancy Center, she graciously cooks and cleans for bible study which at her house, attends events for 7 grand kids, she drives friends who can't drive, she takes care of her grandchildren, still helps me when I'm in crisis and much, much, much more.
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| Beautiful inside and out! |
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| Her pride and joy-Her son Gil |
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| Just any ole day! |
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| Nanie and Pop: A lesson in what Godly love looks like. |
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| Loves all animals (except snakes!) |
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| Grand kids: Anden, Laura, Christopher, Xana, Ellee, Henri and Macy (except Aaron is missing!!! <3) |
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| Christina-Mom's youngest daughter who keeps her on her toes! |
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| Nanie and Xana: her annual beach surprise |
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| Important note: My dad facilitated these great things too: | but this is | MOM's day! |
Our family had troubles like anyone else. But after an argument or uprising in the house she would come up with some joke or wise crack or funny project to do. She did this without cause as well. I have witnessed her hand sew a fuzzy rat and put it into my boyfriends sandwich for his ride back to college. On April Fool's day we all got dry cheerios at the bottom of our sheets and our underwear sewed shut! Ask my husband about that on our wedding day :) She headed up stuffing a bedroom full of balloons for one of her kids arrival home. List goes on. She provided a joyous atmosphere for our comfortable and safe home that was also open to friends and family.
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| She picked us up at the train station sporting this wig! |
My Thankfulness:
This is crazy-I started this and it's incomprehensible how I would ever finish properly. So just a few.
None of this even begins to express the thankfulness I have for her when she...
1. Rushed me to the hospital when I told her something was in my foot but no doctors believed me (it was the eye of a needle-my mom believed me).
2. Supplied endless Jello Knox Bloxs for all my friends at all times.
3. Walked into my hospital room unannounced while I was giving birth for the first time; still getting therapy for that one-but she meant well!
4. Writes complimentary notes in my kitchen window.
5. Sends me cards like this when I'm sick:
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| A must watch if you want to chuckle-a mom and daughter weekend |
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| Me her oldest and her challenge. Thank you for blessing me with the best mom and I'm go out on a branch and say that your other children and grandchildren would agree. |
I want to be like my mom when I grow up!!
Proverbs 31:28 (NKJV)
Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her
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