My Chestnuts got charred,
but I refuse to let them be roasted!
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| Othello with Jason before appointment. |
He sent my husband out of the room and asked if I was depressed.
He told me he didn't agree with some of the things my favorite doctor of 10 years is doing.
(The ONLY doctor who has truly helped me.)
He is referring me to more doctors, because he doesn't think he can help.
He said one too many times, "That is not my specialty. You need a different doctor."
The good news
He was very kind.
He spent 3 hours with us in undivided attention.
He responded well when I told him that Jesus gives me joy and my depression no longer has a hold on me.
Although he didn't think my condition was autoimmune/inflammatory, he did believe there were indicators pointing that way; therefore ordered tests.
He told me things to look out for in the next 6 months that would indicate that it is progressing autoimmune wise.
He said these things take years sometimes to diagnose (FYI-for real it's already been years!)
He re-iterated that Dexamethasone can be cruel and make me mentally crazy. (Not doing so bad then, if I don't say so myself.)
Feeling depleted
I will admit. I walked out depleted. I did NOT cry out to God ASAP as I should have. Nothing changed. My pain remains. My condition worsens.
I had too much hope in the appointment. I did what I said I wasn't gonna do. Almost as if in defiance. Thank you to my husband who coped graciously with me on the ride home.
Somehow it felt empty
I have been very grumpy for the past few days. I don't think I hurt anyone physically or mentally. So that's good. I was purposefully mindful. Did I walk around joyful--NO. I did pray that my family had a bit of understanding. They did. I needed time to process by myself. I prayed. I did my bible studies. I went to God. But it felt like I was faking it. I didn't feel angry at God. I still felt great hope and faith in His plan. But it felt empty somehow.
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| Sweetness. My girls holding hands at the ceremony. |
"Celebration of Life" ceremony.
She was the mom of the pastor of the church family that our family was a part of for 17 years. A lady who made a difference in my life, my children's life and the lives of many others. She was bold for Christ. She did what she wanted and when she wanted, but all to God's glory. I strive to be more like her when I grow up. Something sparked in me during the service. Something re-ignited my joy with a vengeance. While I felt great sadness for her family and friends that she will no longer be at the front doors of the church mugging everyone and anyone that walked in with a huge bear hug, I felt great excitement that she had fulfilled her great commission here on earth and now was pain free and giggling with joy at the side of her Savior!
To all those who are praying for me and asking about my appointment, Thank You. It means a lot to me.
I don't want to bore anyone with the details. I will just say that I have more appointments, more doctors, more tests. It is almost like I am back to square one with what to do next. Unless that is, the blood-work fools this doctor. But it never shows in my blood work. That is possible with 4 percent of patients, but he doesn't think that's my case. I am slowly weaning off the Dexamethasone, but to my disappointment, it will take a month. I hope there is enough Brown Butter Ice Cream out there to sustain me meanwhile! (I depleted the Candy Cane Ice Cream in all the nearby stores.)
The desert
"And now I see that the Lord places me in the dessert regions because it is only then that I have eyes to see and ears to hear that which He desire to tell me. " Jon Courson Application Commentary.
God has me in the desert. I pray that I have faith in His plan and that I do "desert" better. I will gladly suffer physical pain in order to grow in Christ and His plan. When I forget that, He graciously brings me back to it each and every time while reminding me that He is right there with me. That's how awesome He is. I am so excited to see what God has in store for me for the future!
Joy in the Little things
I just got up to fold a load of laundry. Trying to keep my hands functional. How COOL is it that we can throw dirty stuff in a large box and an hour later it is soft, warm and smells fresh. Really??!!
Dessert
God willing tonight I will make Punchkies and Duck for New Years Eve!
I will just spent TIME with my my favorite people! My family. It will require that I am in bed for the better part of the day. But that's OK. I am blessed that my children (15, 17, 18, 19, and 23, 25) chose to spend family time together playing games and watching movies rather than partying and drinking with friends. May I never lose sight of that huge blessing. I tend to take it for granted.
Paczki
In Poland, this is known as Tłusty Czwartek. Pączki (POHNCH-kee) are fried rounds of yeast dough with rosehip, prune, apricot, strawberry, raspberry or sweet cheese filling.
I Pray that You are Blessed by Earnestly Seeking God in the New Year !
In Your joy I find my strength
In Your hope I overcome
In Your grace I lose myself
For in Your love
In Your hope I overcome
In Your grace I lose myself
For in Your love
Jeremy Riddle-You Turn My Tears of Sadness
A wonderful song! Just click on purple words below.
A wonderful song! Just click on purple words below.
You Turn My Tears of Sadness-Jeremy Riddle Click here it will pop up above then click that
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