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| I must look for the blessings. They are ALWAYS THERE. |
NO
OOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOO
!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOT. THE. TUB.
I sat down and blubbered.
I lost it.
Yes, I'm spoiled. I have a beautiful jacuzzi tub with all the bling.
My husband had it put in for me for medical reasons.
I'm pretty sure he would have anyway because he spoils me.
But it's more than that.
It's symbolic.
It's my ONLY respite from the pain.
And things keep being taken away from me.
I went to pain management and they gave me a pain patch to tide me over til diagnosis. (Trying not to make sassy remark here).
This could be good. Hasn't started working yet though.
This could be good. Hasn't started working yet though.
So, without detail of the loss and bad stuff that seemed to linger all day long, I'll tell you how yesterday went. IT SUCKED. I was dealing with level 8 pain. That's ER status. But knowing that they will give me Morphine and send me home, I refuse to go. I am very careful about medication and drugs.
Nothing has worked anyway.
Nothing has worked anyway.
So, no bath for me. Usually 1-3 soaks a day are what I need just to cope. Apparently I can't be in hot water or it will dis-regulate the patch. I had to walk at the grocery to prepare for the snow storm because their buggy was broken. Not good for over all body, but I think I have a meniscus tear to boot, so, yeah, that was rough. Luckily my daughter was there to help. She's the one I'll have to NOT allow to go to college so she can be home with me. Luckily as a home school mom, I'll just keep failing her :)
So now, if I go on about my day, I run the risk of sounding like I'm whining...so I'll save you too many gory details and just let you in on one more detail.
I had 2 more doctor appointments....
So now, if I go on about my day, I run the risk of sounding like I'm whining...so I'll save you too many gory details and just let you in on one more detail.
I had 2 more doctor appointments....
 |
| Couldn't get my shoes on my feet were so swollen! |
They were both very nice. But same ole same ole.
I am tentative to document the fact that I just might strangle the next doctor that tells me that I need a diagnosis so that there can be a treatment plan..."However I personally can NOT diagnose you." Then there's the issue of, hold on...I want to glorify the Lord in ALL that I do! I probably can't do that by strangling people. HHHmmmmm.
Another doctor upon examination exclaimed, "You're shaking!?" Duh, I have tremors, did he NOT read the 24 page questionnaire that he had me fill out during the 2 hour wait before hand? I checked the box that said tremors.
OK, I'm done playing this game, it's not fun anymore.
It's all very crazy making. BUT early in the morning, at my Clam Bake with Jesus, I was reminded that I have been continually asking the Lord to help me know Him better. HELLO! Perhaps these are the ways in which I am to do that?
Is the tub hindering me in any way?
Faith in Him. Blind trust. I'm ALL in.
So through out the day amongst all the cufuddle...
I kept counting my blessings. I kept crying out to Him. I kept my commitment to do it. I kept slipping into sadness all day. I kept thumping the devil off my shoulder. Tears came easily all day long and into the night. The pain remained intense, almost unbearable.
But the reaping expanded and grew at a steady pace.
Oh, how He is faithful.
Hindsight the reaping was immense and stuff I couldn't have conjured up myself.
Sometimes, NO, always, I have blessings galore but because I am distracted I miss them.
Opening my eyes makes a huge difference!
Not being self centered helps as well.
BLESSINGS
(Just a few from only one day).
1. My daughter asked that I sit down and go through verses with her. SCORE!
Time with her and God!
2. My husband got me daisies.
3. The snow outside became soothing to view at every glance.
4. My son made a fantabulous dinner.
5. A neighbor randomly showed up with cupcakes and words of encouragement.
6. Spent quality time with my other daughter painting nails!
7. Got an unexpected letter in the mail from a beautiful young woman giving me praises!
8. My puppy snuggled with me.
9. I was able to play Monopoly with the family for a little while.
10. Then I was able to fall asleep to their laughter in the kitchen while they
continued to play-best noise ever!!
11. Slept til 5:00am with only a few tremors!
12. Woke up with LESS PAIN!
13. Woke up to this amazing scene below! A CLEAR MESSAGE that God sent me.
He Loves me!!! And He knows what I need!
Jesus Culture. Set a Fire. I want more of you God! Click on link
http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CCAQ3ywwAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D3gX-B6TtSk8&ei=2YLwVJTmBJfXoASdg4DgDg&usg=AFQjCNGwsK_Mw9EJDWks5KwkOi3Ha3GvSQ&sig2=jtvJ4H6AbiPxixryA-DFZA&bvm=bv.87269000,d.cGU&cad=rja
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