I am mean...

I am inherently MEAN. 

Not sure if it's the Italian blood that courses through my veins or the Polish.

Undoubtedly it's my inherited crazy genes. Or maybe it's this cruel world and the fundamentally selfish people that bring out the vicious side of me. Certainly I was dropped on my head at birth? I know- it must be the liver and onions that was a mandatory meal 

in my parents house once a month while growing up. 

My God-given dark, fuzzy eyebrows could have something to do with it!

Spent all day yesterday in the ER with my daughter. 

Shout out to God as He gave me the strength to take care of her until my husband was able to come. My, oh my, how hard it is to see your sweet child suffer. It also brings the momma bear out of me.

I started off doing a fine job giving complements to the nurses, being upbeat and cutting jokes to lift the mood. We read the bible. Bonding time between mom and child greatly enhanced the day as we embraced the blessings that we have and tried to make the best of a rough time. After all, ducks perused the perimeters of the hospital and we had an ocean view. (OK, it was a pool housing plumbing for the hospital, but one can be creative! And everyone who knows me knows that, " Think outside the box!" is one of my mantras.)

But darn if the arrogant doctor didn't rub me the wrong way! His fault. Time for momma bear to get out her crutch and use it! I felt like I did not ask all the appropriate questions when the second doctor came on shift. So, being committed to being the best advocate that exists for all my children, naturally I called him back in. WELL, mistake number one in Mr. Know it all's book. I kindly said that I had mistakenly forgot to ask some important questions. That's when he gave me some uncalled for, caterpillar eyebrow funk. He looked at me with the, "How dare you face." Granted my face is swollen 3 fold and hot red-but that's another matter. I kindly asked my questions and he actually stated, "I know what I'm doing!" Well, in my mind I was reaching for my crutch." I had to forcibly put on my fake happy face, I wanted to behave in love like Jesus commands. He continued to tell me like it is...then, without detail, questioned my daughter in an uncalled for manner. It was then that I leaped over the hospital bed and strangled him with both hands, one foot and the IV line. Oh WAIT, that was only in my mind. 

What I actually did was curtly tell him that this was my job and that I am her advocate, can he understand that? Yes, I was firm. Was I kind, I can't recall. I think so. Was I a good example to my daughter, darn I can't totally confirm. Was I a light, aahhhh?

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As the day progressed, my pain intensified, the staff got on my nerves, and I digressed. Happy-go-lucky went right out the window into the cesspool that I once viewed as the ocean. I asked for a box of Kleenex. THREE times. Seeing doctors and nurses belly chuckle and gossip in the center square of the ER when your baby needs something is reason to get postal. I had to seek it out myself, cause I'm a go-getter, when I shouldn't even be walking much. Reminding them 3 times to slap that ALLERGIC bracelet on my kid because they FORGOT mine the other night was even more reason to get hot. My mind was swimming with mean thoughts, actions and come-backs. I kept the majority of them in my sick mind. Thankfully. Remembering that thoughts are one thing, acting on them is a choice and a whole other thing.

My husband arrived and dealt with Mr. Arrogant in a patient, yet firm and loving manner. I did observe that the Dr. treated him better and with respect. Perhaps it was the nose piercing or tattoos. Yes, I chose possible judgment. Or maybe the casual t-shirt and  sweats. I drove home carefully and slowly as I was depleted. I ended up accidentally stopping in traffic with my car tail in part of the intersection. A nicely dressed business man in a beamer flipped the bird at me, then proceeded to drive around me. If he knew about my week would he have been nicer? Does it matter? God blessed me with the sunset on the way home.

Oh well, just my thoughts in the wee hours. I woke up at 2:30 am to see that my mom put this in my window sill. She leaves on the train this morning. I thought it fair that for every ER visit she stay 2 more days. But I consider myself blessed to spend time with her at all. Despite the crazy week we had there were many great conversations with coffee or chocolate or hot cross bun in hand. No wonder people are confused that I am chronically ill, I post photos of chocolate factory one day right after ER visit and don't always post the in between, That's OK, glad to keep everyone on their toes!

I read this in my Clam Bake at 2am which, as God always knows what I need and when I need it, was so fitting. How exciting to know that God always goes before me to seek the perfect place just for me!!

“Then I said to you, ‘Do not be terrified, or afraid of them. The Lord your God, who goes before you, He will fight for you, according to all He did for you in Egypt before your eyes, and in the wilderness where you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a man carries his son, in all the way that you went until you came to this place.’Yet, for all that, you did not believe the Lord your God, who went in the way before you to search out a place for you to pitch your tents, to show you the way you should go, in the fire by night and in the cloud by day. Deuteronomy 1:29-33 NKJV

I Desire Feedback! 
I have made a commitment to myself and the Lord to be honest and transparent. How am I doing? Positive feedback is ALWAYS good. But I also grow and stay real by your insights. So kind constructive feedback is ALSO appreciated . I seek to Glorify the Lord in all this. I am human. I don't always do it right. I have been called to reveal my journey. I have a burning desire to share my story and my daily walk with great urgency in hopes that even one person will reap from how I have received GREAT JOY that can only come from having a true personal relationship with the Lord!