Sometimes I am a Debbie Downer or an Eeyore.

Sometimes I feel like there is so much going on that I can't swing my crutch  fast enough. My head is jam packed with scrambled words and too much worthless information. When this happens I can literally put down a hundred dollars betting that the devil is ready to pounce. Soon enough I feel the devil on my tired shoulder saying, "And by the way, have you thought that this horrific thing could happen or that bloodcurdling thing could happen!?" He says, "Hey this is fun, I can actually add stuff to your chaos and knock you down another 12 pegs!" "Maybe even make you fall flat on your sorry face and not get back up!!" I visualize him having a gay ole' time performing a little break dance move then convulsively shaking red shiny bells in the air. These days I actually YELL, "Get OFF my shoulder!" or "NOPE, ain't gonna work!" Just knowing that my sadness or my distractions or my lack of order is a sneaky vile game to him makes me cringe and feel yucky. I used to give in to him. I used to buy the lies. You're ugly. You're fat. Your husband is gonna get into an accident. You won't be able to breath....on and on it went. I allowed him power--YUCK!

Now I take great joy with the knowledge that if I don't listen to him he loses and he grumbles in misery. When I go straight to my bible, he loses. When I talk to God instead of worry, he loses. When I pray or call out to God, he loses. When I praise the Lord, he loses. I have the power, ONLY with God, to smack him off my shoulder. And I have learned that it is a choice.

Years ago and even still once in awhile it is so hard for me... I am a Debbie Downer or an Eeyore. Wah, wah, wah. Poor me....why is everyone doing this to me, why is the world doing this to me.....wah, double wah.....

I'm doing so very much better at looking for the blessings in the bad and amongst the chaos in my older years. Learning that God turns good out of bad to save people has been both eye-opening and flabbergastingly life-changing for me. My eyes have been very slowly opened to God's amazing promises. It took a long time-stubborn as I am, but God never gave up on me. I will never forget when the airplane crashed into the towers of the World Trade Center in New York City. At that time I had two children in elementary school. Rushing straight to that school, I grabbed them up and left while the principle yelled, "You know that will be counted as an unexcused absence!" I wanted my baby chicks with me not knowing what was going on during such a alarming situation. I drove straight to church rushed into one of my pastor's office, kids by my side and demanded, "Why, does God make such evil things happen??!!"

 

Sweetly Broken, Jeremy Riddle

He started off by saying that really he didn't know all the answers. But he did understand that free will is a gift from God to His people. What comes with free will are the choices, good or bad-that we all make. We would be upset if we were each the very same and had no choices whatsoever. Unfortunately we all make bad choices, and some make devastating choices. But God makes good out of bad. I also remember how many amazing stories came out of that devastation, all glory to God! So many people worked together for good. Many got saved!

But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.Genesis 50:20 NKJV

In the middle of writing this, a day went by and I attended church Wednesday night (last night). As God always has a word for me in His perfect timing, last tonight was about David and how he hid in a cave. I thought in my mind, wow, I have spent so much of my earlier days in a cave. A cave of depression, a cave of, "poor me," a cave of food addiction, a cave of sickness, a cave of anger, etc. But as God is good, Pastor Rodney spoke of how one should seek the lesson while in the cave. Then NOT bask in it, get out and move on. That I realized when I heard it, is one of the huge differences between the new me and the old me. I used to bask in the cave. I would make sure I listened and let the words of my enemy chop me to pieces thus making me slither in the dirt. I become convinced that I was worthless and that no one could even begin to like me. I wallowed in such a way that sometimes it became comfortable to breath in dirty air and bask in the cool mud. It became comfortable and easy. My payoff was greater than choosing to get out (at least I thought.) People pitied me or proved by their behavior that, yes, in fact they did not like me. It gave me an excuse for my rash behavior that symbolized a 4 year old temper tantrum for not getting what they wanted.

 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7 NKJV

Today I keep all the caves are across my lovely dragon-fly filled field, at a distance. But I can see them. I don't frequent them very often anymore. I chose to stay away. I chose to count my blessings daily and soak in God's gorgeous word persistently. When I find myself sitting my behind on the footsteps of the entrance to that cave, I ask myself, was it my choice that naturally put me here? I remind myself that I can chose to not go in. And if by chance, I land in the wallow of the mushy ground inside...I delight in the fact that God has given me an opportunity to make me stronger and help me to love Him more. Praise God! I have faith that my trials give me learning opportunities. And opportunities to teach and display MY behavior whilst in my cave for my children and my family to observe, and prayerfully learn from.

Today, to share a mild list of Debbie Downers...my air conditioner went out in 100 degree weather, however my immediate thought was-thank you God that we even have an air conditioner! It is hotter than a lizard in the desert! The switcher to my TV is broken. Thank you Lord for the message that I must be in your Word a bit more! More and more unexpected dentist bills.....praising God that we have insurance AND a chance to even go to a dentist! I came home to plants growing out of my gutter...but hey, that will be my new, "Gutter Garden," maybe I can market it!! 

God has enabled me to see things differently. 

Despite all the problems, issues and chaos...

I feel joy! 

God’s Everlasting Love

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 
Romans 8:31 NKJV