 |
| More dopplers. More clots.
It's four in the morning. I can't stand it any longer. The pain overwhelms me yet again. In addition the calves hurt now. The symptoms were familiar, another clot had formed. They throb, sharp pains shooting through them periodically. Mostly they just ache and ache which is a most irritating and nagging sensation. Tremors annoy me so early in the morning. Another reason to get up out of bed. My knees scream. That started since I was 12 years old. You'd think after 37 years I'd cope better. Stomach is queasy and a bit bloated. That's becoming commonplace. Dull headache-an unusual happening, my head knows not what it feels like to be pain free. But I'll take dull and gladly run with it. If you really want the list... the hands are stiff and excruciating, the shoulder is frozen and hurts, my ankles, elbows, wrists, neck and hips ache. My rash burns. My eyes are thick with threats of chalazions forming. I get up. There's no more sleeping in this condition. I've been praying for over an hour. I hope I remembered everyone, if not, God did. I feel content. I'm at peace. I'm not upset. I'm not bummed. This has become my groove. Did I mention that just this week alone, I had a bone scan, a biopsy, serious dental work, found a new clot, plus I had to un-expectantly put my precious Baby Cakes (Joshua) to-sleep? I've been fighting a level 5-7 migraine since June and I still can not eat much because of my gut issues. "Life," happened too, along the way.
This is my groove.
|
I did not say that this was my anointing.
It is my predicament, but it is not a pickle that I wallow in.
 |
| Found this on my pillow! I get wonderful surprises like this consistently from my kids. |
This is my story and you can't have it. It is a fact, that I am excited that I have been chosen to be put through the fire. It is there that God strengthens me and molds me into something decent that I alone would be incapable of achieving. I go through constant trials and tribulations and yes I cry, sometimes I moan with a solid lack of words. But always, I come out stronger and praising Him as the light is consistently and lovingly revealed to me. Praising Him for all I have and am blessed with is my desire. My purpose and my goal is NOT to be self-engrossed but to be benevolent at all times. It is my honor. I am incapable without Him.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you.
Isaiah 43:2 NKJV
 |
| Found wedged in my door. I suspect from my wonderful neighbor and sister in Christ. |
I don't mind being called crazy. Often I grasp it as a compliment. After all, I am an artist who is seriously creative, always thinking outside the box, and I certainly don't seem to think like any other. However, I would certainly be MAD if I didn't constantly see the daily blessings that have been mercifully and undeservingly bestowed upon me. Attempting to list them all would be silly not to mention totally impossible. Here are but a few; I have many children and they all love the Lord (what more could a mom ask for!), my family adores one another, my parents and my husbands' parents are alive and well. I am, for the most part, functional. I can see, I can walk (albeit with help), I can type this, I can draw and I can create. PRAISE GOD. My husband has a job. We have the means to pay for all medical expenses. I can see little things like the bees going about their pollinatin'. I'm in tune to the humming bird that flitters it's wings in an enchanting position as to bless me for a quick moment. I observe and enjoy the praying mantis that casually appears on the seat in my car. Cloud formations call out my name and let me know that it's gonna be OK. I chuckle as my mind rolls out the tightly wound up scroll of blessings that not only never ends but multiplies as the days progress.
 |
| My son has baked for days in order to perfect a non-toxic, clean cookie that I can keep down. |
So, I ask you gently, "Please, do NOT feel sorry for me!" Pray for me, encourage me, keep leaving surprises at my door! Be happy for me.
Know that I am excited to discover what God has in mind for me as to how I can serve Him better.
 |
| I adore my children. A couple of them are sadly missing. I know where they are, they are just not here. :) |
But now, O Lord,
You are our Father;
We are the clay, and You our potter;
And all we are the work of Your hand.
Isaiah 64:8 NKJV
__________________________________________________________________
It seems as if my friends are having trouble leaving comments.
Please put comment and problem on my FB site:
(Joy Comes in the Morning: Despite Pain) so that I can fix the problem.
Thank you!
Comments