Honey to My Soul

It's like sweet honey to my soul.

The struggles she has been through. The depression. The dark places. The pain a momma feels, when her child hurts and she can't do a darn thing about it. The helplessness.

My child has chosen to give it to the Lord and I mean for real. Not just in words or actions, bumper stickers or quotes. But she truly gives it to the Lord in her heart.  It's showing. The pain, the suffering, the helplessness, it's all still there. But it fades into laughter and jokes about being, "Speedy Gonzales," on the scooter. More jokes about being the fastest kid on the college campus (with scooter). Visions of problem solving, rather than Eeyore casting. The difference is having faith that God will use all this suffering for good.

 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28 NKJV

That's when my momma's aching heart pain is coated with a silk like honey. It's slow golden lava smothers slowly over my aching soul. It coats my inner being with a warmth that only the Lord can provide.

Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (EDS) is an inherited condition that affects the connective tissues in the body. Connective tissue is responsible for supporting and structuring the skin, blood vessels, bones, and organs. It's made up of cells, fibrous material, and a protein called collagen.

She's like me. There, I said it. Seventeen. Only seventeen. Diagnosed 5 years ago with the same ugly connective tissue problem that I have. Dang it. Ignoring the constant ER visits didn't work for us. Changing the subject, glossing over it. None of those things worked for our family. The symptoms, the pain, the complications keep raging at us like a rude neighbor. They are no longer simply irritations but are constant life-altering, problem-solving disturbances. Those in our lives, family and friends who haven't seen the inside story or the daily happenings in our household now get a good glance at what we go through consistently. Funny how not much has changed for us, other than people finally recognizing it.

Sometimes I've prayed that something tangible would show up on my body. Perhaps black and purple wide-spread bodily bruises. Would that be visual enough to make people believe?

So I understand when my sweet girl cries and cries when the pain and the struggle is invisible. When she gets dirty looks. When people see a young kid park in handicapped, they tend to judge, rather than have mercy. But most don't believe what they can't see.

The beauty of this photo captures a vision of friends that love us unconditionally.

It's not a shocker. Both her hips sustaining Bilateral Labral Hip Tears. She climbed onto a chair to hang a poster in her new dorm. How dare she try to be normal. Then she walked. Despite gentle exercise and weekly PT for years, she is fragile. And now for the first real time in 5 years, there's no hiding it. She can barely, and isn't allowed to anyway...walk. She now requires a wheelchair, crutches and a scooter. Serious rest is in the days ahead in order to calm the swelling and the pain. Surgery, probably not an option, as with any connective tissue disease, it could worsen it.

My sweet Macy who has to help me and her sister. She does it without complaint. We are blessed to have her.

Now people see. The children at college who called her cripple when she did walk, but couldn't go far, are now being convicted. It's OK though, we have done it ourselves. Judged. We pray for them that somehow a seed is planted. Suddenly people out of nowhere want to help. People who were rude before, want to help. People who have always been there for us, and knew our hearts all along, they are already helping. We thank God for them. We need them.

But this isn't new. This is our lives. Unfortunately it has been my life since childhood. And now, it is my precious daughter's life. I've mourned for me. I've mourned for her and still continue to mourn. To witness your very own child struggle and need strong pain medications just to cope, HARD just isn't the right word. I still mourn for my family who has to also cope and has to help us as well. I'm sorry.

But I know that God has me. He has my daughter. He has my family. And in fact, my daughter isn't mine. She was gifted to me to raise and to love. She is God's child. He makes beautiful works of art and He has a beautiful plan for each one of my children.  Including my daughter. Not only does He give me unrelenting strength and hope and joy, but my daughter is learning that He is there for her as well. We all have something. We all hurt one way or another. Some visible, some not so much. And I choose to glorify God through my struggles. When I see that my precious child is choosing to do the same......

It is a warming honey 

drip to my soul.

 “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, 

and you will find rest fory our souls.”        

Matthew 11:29 (NJKV)

My daughter's blog: mysicklife.blogspot.com

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