I am the ugly. A walk in the woods.

For it is in the darkness that I see but a shimmer of the light. I need to walk.

God is able. He is able. It comes randomly as I peer into an ant hill that I might have crossed over. Had I not my eyes open.
My feet screaming with the tiny punctures of poison. For it was my choice.

For He is good!
Oh how I love that song. How can He not be? How did it take me so many light years to open just one dusky brown eye. An eye so old, yet it slivered as a tiny babe. It did not see.
It saw. But the milk. The milk of a babe. So filling.

Only at first. For survival only.

But then, I seeked in my own slimy selfishness. Devoured into nothingness. The hatred of the world. Of the people. Of all, who were always out to get me. Or is it of me, who was always and is out to get myself? Hhhhmmmn. Something to ponder.....?

The seeking,

of the honey.   For myself. So many years. So much dark. But the honey, only for a moment.

I wander into what I thought was pitch darkness. I find that it is unkempt. But not so dark as what I thought. The light glimmers through. It's actually, stunningly....


beautiful.        So,       beautiful.




in the mess.

If only, I would open my eyes. If only. ALWAYS, if only.


Make. Them. For....
                                    ..................................................................God.

No excuses. My eyes, I close them tight like the lid on great grandma's preservative jar. Stubborn. That's me. Stubborn ass. I hang on tight. It's comfortable. It's comfortable, I tell myself-anyway. But He knows.
He always has. Even when I was blind.

But now I see!

They open. Slow. But sure. The walk. In the woods. I can't spare the time. Yet I desperately can't NOT, not spare the time. In the darkness together we will see the understanding.

The excuse. Why do I fight and grasp for it? Why so hard? So desperate, what is in it for me? For me? For you? For them......It is just but a lick, a mere taste, a mere fleeting moment.........EVERY TIME, endless. The honey....is no longer even,     s w   e       e           t.


The pit. Why? Why would I aim for the pit. I know it well. It makes me wanna puke.

Nothingness.
Nothingness.
Nothingness.

NEVER.

Ever...
Ever.
Worth it.
NEVER.

Oh, but for the Light!
It whispers me in. It drinks of me.
Though I am the thirsty one.

Keep calling me. Please. I see Him in the woods. I seek Him though others bolt opposite.
I'm coming. It's but a whisper. The whisper, the loudest most beautiful clang I've to experience.
Though I might drift. Now I come back. I run. I'm running. I can't walk. But I'm running.

For His arms, are the only hope, the only light, the only peace and quiet that will calm my restless, achy, mocking soul.

He IS the vine.

Without Him. I am nothing.
With Him, the ugly stains become strengthened and used. The chaos in the woods become somehow now mesmerizing. Somehow, the mess is lovely. It is broken. But broken, it becomes useful. It can only be broken in uniqueness. Something that bewilders me every time. Its calls me in. In the quiet. The quiet, is stunning. The nothingness, is so full.

I can do nothing. I have proved it. Time and time, again.

Once and for all.
I will praise You. I will keep my eyes open. If only the corner is but split, pry it for me.

I beg of you. For YOU first, I will seek. YOU are the honey. I am nothing. You lovingly bask me in the honeysuckle. For fun you bless light across it for a moment. That is You. The one who comforts me.

My God. My God! Your God! He is the only way!

The light!

You are the light in the woods, in the darkness......now the marshmellows await.

Jesus said to ME, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. 
No one comes to the Father except through Me.
John 14:6 NKJV 

For CHE <3