At this point, I am at the laughing stage in the face of danger. (Simba in Lion King would be proud!)
I will admit, I've had some anxiety heading towards this particular surgery. So very much going on simultaneously, to boot. Every time in my silliness I think, "OK, the trials came in 3's, must be about done now!" But that is crazy thinking as our family's trials have gone on for more than a year and continue.
Tomorrow I will have surgery. It's called an Endoscopic retrograde electroencephalography, or ERCP. It is a specialized technique used to study the bile ducts, pancreatic
duct and gallbladder. Ducts are drainage routes; the drainage channels
from the liver are called bile or biliary ducts. The pancreatic duct is
the drainage channel from the pancreas.
Thanking God persistently for finding a surgeon at Duke who is a specialist. They are trying to find the cause of my Pancreatitis. My symptoms, including quite a few hospital trips, not being able to eat without incredible pain, nausea and puking indicate that I might have Sphincter of Oddi Dysfunction. My body is in the business of consistently choosing rare and rather bizarre diseases. I have been diagnosed with Gastroparesis. Doctors are considering it a co-morbidity of Ehlers Danlos, which my daughter and I both struggle with. I will always have Gastroparesis.
My diet since my last flare-up:
Yesterday turned into a horrible, terrible, not so good day. I always hate going into great detail about bad stuff, so here it is in a quickie nutshell:
Hard to stay mad when I get snap chats like this.
Yesterday. I said bye to my husband and son as they left for Ohio. (Today they will be there to lovingly place my husbands mom's ashes into the ground. I stood grieved as I wished I could go.) I left the house for Duke Hospitol at 7am. Pulled off the highway 2 times into fast food joints to "use the potty." Arrived at the appointment late. Got fussed at for not stopping my blood thinner in time by the fellow. (A fellow is a doctor who is training under that specialty.) Spent 3 hours on the phone with my heart doctor, my surgeons office, Pre-op and Wall-greens in order to not delay surgery. Begged for one injection after insurance refused to pay, paid cash, then injected myself in the Wall-greens bathroom. The sooner I got it in me, they said, the better. Briefly, I felt like an addict begging for a fix then "shooting up" in a dirty bathroom. YUK. Got over that thought quickly. Then drove home in a violent pop-up storm, dragged my exhausted, fatigued self into the house; soaking wet. That's when I discovered I was bleeding through my clothes from the teenie-weenie injection site. Rain water also thoroughly soaked the inside of my new purse. Dealt with temper-tantrum-throwing teenager, and not so well at that. I went on to tend to issues and tasks to be solved before surgery. All while attempting to soften my heart towards my awesome husband whom I adore that pissed me off good just before flying off once again, far away from me. Failing, in my goal towards being the wife that the Lord has called me to. I continued on to attend to other unmentionable things and much more.
I intended to explain more in this post. But I feel a potential migraine threatening me as I grieve for my mother-in-law and good friend, my husband and family members who are tending to real life and death up close as I deal with menial problems right here and now.
Sometimes I feel so very self-centered.
I am praising God though! I got home, there sat a beautiful sunny yellow plant to cheer me up, from a friend. I'm guessing she entered my house illegally (funny eyes emoji here.) I also remember the timely blog another friend tagged me in just this morning, reminding about my intense blessings........
A man who is willing to suffer, someone worth marrying, will stand out from the crowd in the way his life and heart echoes Christ’s very own words, “Not my will, but yours.”
He’ll withhold nothing from God so that his life and marriage can be used for its primary purpose of bringing God glory, not merely his own happiness. He will be armed with the attitude that present sufferings are incomparable to the glory we will experience later;
The article perfectly titled:
Wanted: A Spouse Willing to Suffer." by MaryLynn Johnson.
So well done!!
I stopped today, so many times: on the toilet, on the belt-line, on my bed, in Duke Hospital, on a bench next to a Godly, elderly, sick woman, to give God PRAISE for giving me such a husband and man. Then praying the same thing one day for my kids and my sister.
There is so much more. The never-ending words and endless color schemes keep oozing and flowing out of control from my brain without my permission. Keep that "ear-knife" far from me now. VanGogh-style.
The blessings continue as I get random messages from my children. I know that it is my choice as to what I decide to focus on.
Sure, pray for my health. But even more, pray for my obedience in praising the Lord. I may have health issues and trials, but pray that I remember to focus on all of my endless abundant blessings! Pray that I lift my husband up during my pain rather than poke and jab at him. Pray that I can be there for my kids as they have various needs. Pray for them to have faith in God's perfect plan for our lives and their own lives. Pray that I am strengthened by my trials.
In my pain, I pray for you.
Not always, but often, in my worst pain I pray. I pray for everyone I know and everyone I don't know. A little yet huge trick I discovered during a level 9 episode. It helps me get my mind off my pain and off myself. It soothes me to know that I am putting all concerns in God's capable hands. I will admit, level 10 pain renders me helpless and brain confused. I go blank.
Off to get my DUCTS in a row! July 7th!! 11:30am
I will admit, I've had some anxiety heading towards this particular surgery. So very much going on simultaneously, to boot. Every time in my silliness I think, "OK, the trials came in 3's, must be about done now!" But that is crazy thinking as our family's trials have gone on for more than a year and continue.
My diet since my last flare-up:
- Gatorade 1/2 cup
- Sprite 1/2 cup
- bouillon 3/4 cup
- saltine crackers 6
Yesterday turned into a horrible, terrible, not so good day. I always hate going into great detail about bad stuff, so here it is in a quickie nutshell:
Yesterday. I said bye to my husband and son as they left for Ohio. (Today they will be there to lovingly place my husbands mom's ashes into the ground. I stood grieved as I wished I could go.) I left the house for Duke Hospitol at 7am. Pulled off the highway 2 times into fast food joints to "use the potty." Arrived at the appointment late. Got fussed at for not stopping my blood thinner in time by the fellow. (A fellow is a doctor who is training under that specialty.) Spent 3 hours on the phone with my heart doctor, my surgeons office, Pre-op and Wall-greens in order to not delay surgery. Begged for one injection after insurance refused to pay, paid cash, then injected myself in the Wall-greens bathroom. The sooner I got it in me, they said, the better. Briefly, I felt like an addict begging for a fix then "shooting up" in a dirty bathroom. YUK. Got over that thought quickly. Then drove home in a violent pop-up storm, dragged my exhausted, fatigued self into the house; soaking wet. That's when I discovered I was bleeding through my clothes from the teenie-weenie injection site. Rain water also thoroughly soaked the inside of my new purse. Dealt with temper-tantrum-throwing teenager, and not so well at that. I went on to tend to issues and tasks to be solved before surgery. All while attempting to soften my heart towards my awesome husband whom I adore that pissed me off good just before flying off once again, far away from me. Failing, in my goal towards being the wife that the Lord has called me to. I continued on to attend to other unmentionable things and much more.
I intended to explain more in this post. But I feel a potential migraine threatening me as I grieve for my mother-in-law and good friend, my husband and family members who are tending to real life and death up close as I deal with menial problems right here and now.
Sometimes I feel so very self-centered.
A man who is willing to suffer, someone worth marrying, will stand out from the crowd in the way his life and heart echoes Christ’s very own words, “Not my will, but yours.”
“Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done.” Then an angel appeared to Him from heaven, strengthening Him.
Luke 22:42 NKJV
He’ll withhold nothing from God so that his life and marriage can be used for its primary purpose of bringing God glory, not merely his own happiness. He will be armed with the attitude that present sufferings are incomparable to the glory we will experience later;
From Suffering to Glory
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy
to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.
Romans 8:18 NKJV
Wanted: A Spouse Willing to Suffer." by MaryLynn Johnson.
So well done!!
I stopped today, so many times: on the toilet, on the belt-line, on my bed, in Duke Hospital, on a bench next to a Godly, elderly, sick woman, to give God PRAISE for giving me such a husband and man. Then praying the same thing one day for my kids and my sister.
There is so much more. The never-ending words and endless color schemes keep oozing and flowing out of control from my brain without my permission. Keep that "ear-knife" far from me now. VanGogh-style.
The blessings continue as I get random messages from my children. I know that it is my choice as to what I decide to focus on.
Surgery: It is mandatory now. (Possible blockage.) I am at higher risk of a severe pancreatic attack after the procedure. Because of my loose connective tissue, I am rendering a potential ward of the hospital, at the very least-one night. Apparently the decimal level at which my voice is, upon awakening from surgery, will be the deciding factor. Crazy enough, exciting enough, blessed so much, on the 16th we are going to our annual family beach trip. I consider my-self abundantly blessed just to be able to lay in the comfortable bed, in North Litchfield Beach, enjoying a breeze from God's glorious ocean! Enjoying the sounds of ALL (but one :( you know who you are!) of my kids before they hurry off in the fall.
I would be blessed if you pray for me and my family!Sure, pray for my health. But even more, pray for my obedience in praising the Lord. I may have health issues and trials, but pray that I remember to focus on all of my endless abundant blessings! Pray that I lift my husband up during my pain rather than poke and jab at him. Pray that I can be there for my kids as they have various needs. Pray for them to have faith in God's perfect plan for our lives and their own lives. Pray that I am strengthened by my trials.
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord,
thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11 NKJV
In my pain, I pray for you.
Not always, but often, in my worst pain I pray. I pray for everyone I know and everyone I don't know. A little yet huge trick I discovered during a level 9 episode. It helps me get my mind off my pain and off myself. It soothes me to know that I am putting all concerns in God's capable hands. I will admit, level 10 pain renders me helpless and brain confused. I go blank.
Off to get my DUCTS in a row! July 7th!! 11:30am
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| I gotta be me...... |
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