Glorious Sunflowers and the Angry Farmer; My Pilgramage into Unanticipated Ridicule and Disparagement.

He screamed at me that he was going to call the police. "How dare YOU!" What kind of fool are YOU!? What is wrong with people like YOU?! His voice was shaky and old. His whole body trembled with spewing angst. He slung vile at me for a good 25 minutes which seemed like at least an hour. My heart finally broke to the beating and I began to cry uncontrollably.

Sunflowers. All I wanted to do for 7 years was walk though and take photos of the sunflowers. They are my very favorite you know. Sunflowers. I have driven past them on this road for almost 10 years. I was getting a bit tired of promising myself that I would stop one day and just do it. It was becoming an urge for me to quit the mind madness, the busyness I make for my own self and just bask in the joy of the flowers dancing in the wind. I wanted to quit making myself this particular on-going empty promise.

This past summer, the one of 2016, I made it my goal. I decided that there was enough crazy talk and that I was gonna finally make it happen! First off, I made it harder on myself for waiting so long. 'Cause walking now is harder for me than it was 7 years ago. The golden sunflower patch was off the side of a large road. I would have to park on the curb and wrestle with my dumb crutch. Down the hill I would go. Once there, I would gingerly tiptoe my way through the North Carolina red clay. No telling how far I would sink in my Burks. My zebra daughter promised to help me. Time passed and I blew that offer. My husband sweetly offered to go there early in the dawn before my invasive surgery in July. When we woke up early that morning, I just wasn't in the mood. Blew that opportunity as well. I knew in my heart that soon enough the flowers would be wilted and on their way to death. I gave up again. Yet I still held on to the hopes of next season, as usual.

Delight yourself also in the Lord,

And He shall give you the desires of your heart. 

Psalm 37:4 NKJV

Lo and behold (my professor used to pronounce that a bit too often, makes me chuckle to remember those days so long ago!) my oldest sunshine came to visit for a few days before her new journey clear across the states from home. Passing by the field I told her about my quest. "I'll take you today!" She was born a "Go get-er." 
And me, I'm rather spontaneous. So there we went.

Together we successfully accomplished the balance act of me getting my broken body to the field! As we arrived into unexplained beauty I was humbled and excited! Suddenly without warning I became child-like in my delight! I was seriously (in hindsight) acting like a small child in awe upon Christmas morning! The joy was overwhelming and somehow I felt like I was at my real home. As my daughter stood to the side and cheered me on I ventured into the bug infested wet clay. I  captured photos but also just stood and admired. To be blessed by the endless, amazing creations individually hand designed by our God; I had to praise Him on the spot. The flowers were, for the most part, dead. But somehow that didn't matter to me.

So much awesomeness! 

Until I heard, "GET OUT OF THERE!" "YOU DELINQUENT! What do you think you are doing!! I'm calling the police........." The horrid voice kept on. I slowly approached him in confidence. I tend to be a talker. A hunter and gatherer of new friends despite the circumstances. My daughter stood silent sporting a shocked, frozen-like  look. I started to explain my story and show him my photos. FAIL. He had no interest whatsoever.  
He started back up with the judging of me and my sweetness of a daughter. 

Laboring in Africa, working with children, serving food to the homeless all flashed through my spinning mind. I wanted to yell out that I wasn't as bad as he thought I was. I wanted to dull his voice so no one that heard might believe it's truth. I wanted to hand him my transcript thus proving my worldly accomplishments so that he'd like me. Desperately I started to tell him my story of the incredible joy that his field had given me from year to year. But speaking over his voice was just impossible. Finally tears erupted without any kind of permission. Everything I had ever done wrong was flipping with kaleidoscope-like vigor through my mind. My daughter walked and I hobbled up the hill with the angry farmer shooting belittling arrows at our backs. At one point my daughter turned around, looked him in the eye and firmly yelled, "ENOUGH!" The control she had in holding her tongue as this man took her own mother down was beyond impressive. Another lesson to me from the one I birthed. Yet somehow at the very same time she protected me.

 Death and life are in the power of the tongue,And those who love it will eat its fruit. 

Proverbs 18:21 NKJV

As we reached my van farmer guy was twinning a vicious Chihuahua grasping on to my shirt. I turned around and tried to tell him what a blessing his crop had been to me for many years. And give a big THANK YOU. But he didn't care. "Get in your car and go away!" he grumbled.

I drove in numbness, my daughter in silence. I had trouble catching my breath as I sobbed hard. Then I stopped. The tears left as fast as they had come.  That is when the Holy Spirit revealed to me that this man was in pain. Deep pain. He hurt and he hurt bad. I felt for him. So old. He must have held this darkness hidden in such a deep dark spot  in his soul for his forever. I bled for him. I urgently needed to tell him that I was sorry and make it right with him. I wanted to tell him that I was NOT the "world." I did not desire to hurt him. In fact, what I wanted-the flowers for my delight-made me forget about the possibility of effecting someone else. Self-centered I can be and often at that. My daughter tried to comfort me. I explained what had come to light in me and she lovingly listened. I have always and continue to learn a lot from this first child of mine. I believe that the Lord loaned her to me to teach me about Him.

These things I have spoken to you while being present with you. But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you. 

John 14:25 NKJV 

I bought a bouquet of alive, beautiful, radiant sunflowers and snuck a gift card inside. I wrote, "I am sorry," and tucked the card inside. 

I'll admit, I considered doing a drive-by-tossing of the peace offering! I was a bit scared that I might be shot if I dared to show up again. Luckily when I got there, he was shucking corn with his wife. I figured he wouldn't kill me with a witness so near by. Exhausted by then, I limped with my crutch up to him. I handed him the flowers and said that I was sorry. He grumbled, "What the hell is this?" 
That was my cue to go home.

I pray that the Lord reveals to this hurting farmer that not all people wish to hurt him.  
I pray that somehow a small sunflower seed of hope was planted in him, that only the Lord can grow.

For some CRAZY reason, I felt love for this man and I still feel love for him. ONLY God can make that kinda craziness happen. For He is good. God is so good!

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; 

I will take the heart of stone out of your 
flesh and give you a heart of flesh.
Ezekiel 36:26 NKJV

15 years ago, I would have decked angry farmer upside the head with my crutch. Just sayin'