Often I am a few fries short of a Happy Meal

Only by God's Power and Grace.
This will be a quick rambling update that I feel I must share. I am one straw short of miserable physically. If I list all my symptoms you would be confused as to whether to laugh or cry for me. I hate doing that. I DON'T CRAVE A PITY PARTY. I do, however, still have the burning desire to share what's going on with in great hopes that you might find the same joy that I have found!

Yesterday was bad.
I haven't experienced joint pain at this level until recently. Each time I think it's bad it masterfully get's worse. And I'm NOT including all other ridiculous and incredulous symptoms that I must cope with. Medication doesn't work. I think I might be the only one who can down 2 Percocet and lay there, sure a tiny more relaxed, but in the same pain state and still can't even fall asleep.

Happy Birthday!

I managed to get up out of bed and meet a friend for her birthday lunch yesterday. There's not much more that I reap from than doing something for someone else, it's a great way to get my mind off of myself. Before that I made it to Target. A girl needs toilet paper, deodorant and fancy white lights for her bathroom doesn't she? While there I masterfully rammed the buggy into a display full of detergent thus tossing them sporadically onto the floor, had to  push another cart with my buggy out of the way-this is when people decide I am in fact crazy-(hey, you gotta do what you gotta do...)

I'm Confusing people.
I am getting comments. How can I be in bed then be at Target or lunch. Well, I'm stubborn as a mule. That's why. I didn't say it was easy. I'll  be damned if I'll let the devil win and keep me down. Get to know me, you won't be so confused. If you were with me, you would experience the struggle that doesn't go away for me just because one doesn't witness or experience it themselves. If you were me, you understand the desperate need to keep going, make the best of things, then fall back into bed-with satisfaction that I CAN STILL DO STUFF, (albeit MY WAY  :))

Later that afternoon I laid in bed and spontaneously cried for a solid hour.

I'm talking gut wrenching jabs that hurt my stomach. While I do have things to cry about...THIS is the Dexamethasone speaking. It is driving me NUTS. Earlier I  got really angry at the random branch that fell off my tree. I did not appreciate the lack of response the tree so rudely did not give me. I raged at my dog for licking my hand. REALLY?! So, at least I am aware. THEN, so as to make things even more humorous for the day, the power in our 110 year old house went off. WHY NOT. So  I went through random thoughts in my head, so as to make myself feel better (while getting a  progressive chill despite being under my blankets.)  I started with visuals of sitting on the warm sand at the beach, wind whipping through my thinning hair. Then I went directly in my mind to  sucking on another bacon-maple crusted donut...then it struck me...ahhh, I should go to God. What takes me so long, it's not rocket science. Why didn't I go there FIRST? So I got my bible, opened it, read it. Thank goodness the kids bought me a reading light that straps around my head. Reading didn't seem to help much. Because I needed help ASAP. I know what I need for me. I'm THAT smart. What verse should I be reading? Where should I read. Should I flip around? Why aren't I getting more comfort. My crying jags did stop.

As I laid in the dark after putting the bible down a series of random thoughts and visuals started going through my mind. As I got chillier and chillier (we have a 110 year old house and NO HEAT makes for a COLD house quickly) I had a memory of a young boy, about 9 years old, who took to me immediately on one of my mission trips to a small village in South Africa. The night before I went home he laid in my arms and cried. I held him for the better part of 2 hours. The day before I snitched  a glimpse of his bed matte that lay directly on top of the dirt, in his cinder block home (he was lucky and his family had some money) with a thread bare blanket. Who am I? Who Do I think I am?! To complain for a minute under my down comforter from Bed Bath and Beyond. I cried for him. I prayed for him. I then had a visual of a man I spoke with in the old age home years ago when my grandpa was alive and lived there.  We visited sometimes, not enough. His hands were twisted and bent like an old scraggly tree branch. He laughed and told stories, he never complained. He sat in a chair with a heating pad, bed pan by his side, no window. Who do I think I am?!
I started counting my ENDLESS blessings. I have it so very good. Let's start with, "I'm breathing."

This morning sheer realization hit me.
Sometimes I'm slow. OK, a lot of times. I got up and sat at the table for pizza last night that my kids facilitated without me. In fact, they made the report and got the electricity back on-as well. How blessed to be so well taken care of?  I then DID some dishes! I puttered around with energy! I hung out with my favorite people (Jason in China though, so he bumpferly wasn't included), Then I  crashed back in bed. When I woke up this morning I said to myself,

"Cool the medication kicked in, I felt a lot better.......OR...
Or was it God?
DUH, again and again;  DUH!   
I reap OVER AND OVER AND OVER by seeking God first. 
So often I am blind to it and blind to my blessings. I need to open my eyes wider. I still am human. I am still in the flesh I realize. What's funny, is how I personally always know what I need and when I need it. I want immediate comfort. I wanted the lights back on ASAP. That would all help, right?
But God always knows what I need. He provided other relief and on His time, not mine.

I need FAITH.  I need to be OBEDIENT.

So should I be more honest?

Call me Chipmonk as my face swells bigger.

Probably a little bit. I send mixed messages to my friends and family. I guess I would hope that the messages that I do send  are these: "It's a choice.""Get up and get going.""Do anything you can to not give in to the desire to be in bed"...and "Just because it's hard, doesn't mean you cant do it!!"BUT MOST importantly..."Seek God first in all that you do!" So let me know, voice your opinion before you decide. Get to know me. Just because I smile or make a joke or carry a big stuffed bass in a gun shop does not by any means indicate that I'm feeling good physically! It indicates that I won't give in to the pain and stop my life. It does however speak to the great joy that I have. But I think the bottom line is this: it doesn't matter what people think. What matters is that I glorify the Lord in all that I am doing. No matter where it is from. A kind friend of mine said, "Get in bed girl, you need a nap!!" I realized that she didn't realize I WAS IN BED. I do a lot of social media FROM my bed. I guess people don't see that either.

Life is hard. But I'm OK.
And I am so excited to see how God is molding me and going to use me in all of this!!

Be a blessing today!

PLEASE:I Desire Feedback! 
I have made a commitment to be honest and transparent. How am I doing? Positive feedback is ALWAYS good. But I also grow and stay real by your insights. So kind constructive feedback is appreciated ALWAYS. I seek to Glorify the Lord in all this. I am human. I don't always do it right. I have been called to reveal my journey. I have a burning desire to share my story and my daily walk with great urgency in hopes that even one person will reap from how I have received GREAT JOY that can only comes from the Lord!